On Saturday it's been a year since grandpa died. It hurts me much to read the entries about him... the ones which I made while he was still alive.

It feels as if he is there everyday though. It doesn't feel as bad as it did a year ago but... I am still crying very often.
His picture is there all the time and I am looking at it... and then I just have to say "I love you" and it feels alright because I can hear him talking to me the way he always did... saying he loves me too... and that I should help grandma a bit... and that I should tell him later what I did at school or during work or something like this.

I am talking to him then... telling him that I miss him. And on this picture he smiles.

It's such a nice smile and it always feels as if he is watching me all the time and that he knows that I have a job now (he always wanted me to have one) ... and that I am fine... and... just everything...

I miss him much.